Four Horseman Scenario: How to greet the angels of death
Although most people will instinctively run in fear as the four horseman gallop out of the heavens wielding fiery swords, it is important to remember that angels of the apocalypse are more like grizzlies. Its all about respect with war, famine, plague, and death.
1)You need to assert your territorial dominance. Make eye contact but don't challenge with your body.
2) Show that your willing to stay your ground, but also back away slowly. Like we used to think about Tyrannasaurus Rexes - the vision of angels of death is based on motion. They specialize in tracking down and disembowling those who run screaming and blubbering in fear.
3) If you do try to stand your ground, your skull will be trampled under the beating hooves of their destriers.
4) Although you must make direct eye contact as they advance, do not maintain eye contact as they pass on either side of you. You can only maintain eye contact with one angel of destruction at a time, so if you turn your head, the likely result will be a sword through the back of that head from the other side. Most likely from plague. He's a son of a bitch.
5) After the angels pass, do not succumb to temptation and throw rocks at their back shouting "I told you you'd never take me," or some like nonsense. Shoot them in the back instead. You might not get all four, but if you make a good show you could take down at least two before you have to deal with the remainders.
6) Remember, angels of death can and will throw their swords so be prepared to dodge.
7) If you do manage to kill all four horseman of the apocalypse AND their respective mounts, declare yourself emperor of the planet immediately. This is your only chance. You did just save humanity while everyone else fled in terror.
8) If you either decide that your marksmanship is insufficient to take down at least two of the four horseman or you do not possess a fire arm, wait until they have vanished over the hills and the screaming of the innocent has faded away. Then pat yourself on the back and wait for someone else to declare themselves emperor.
9) If no one else declares themselves emperor, make yourself a cup of hot cocoa. You're pretty much screwed at that point because the four horseman will come back for you when everyone else is gone.
1)You need to assert your territorial dominance. Make eye contact but don't challenge with your body.
2) Show that your willing to stay your ground, but also back away slowly. Like we used to think about Tyrannasaurus Rexes - the vision of angels of death is based on motion. They specialize in tracking down and disembowling those who run screaming and blubbering in fear.
3) If you do try to stand your ground, your skull will be trampled under the beating hooves of their destriers.
4) Although you must make direct eye contact as they advance, do not maintain eye contact as they pass on either side of you. You can only maintain eye contact with one angel of destruction at a time, so if you turn your head, the likely result will be a sword through the back of that head from the other side. Most likely from plague. He's a son of a bitch.
5) After the angels pass, do not succumb to temptation and throw rocks at their back shouting "I told you you'd never take me," or some like nonsense. Shoot them in the back instead. You might not get all four, but if you make a good show you could take down at least two before you have to deal with the remainders.
6) Remember, angels of death can and will throw their swords so be prepared to dodge.
7) If you do manage to kill all four horseman of the apocalypse AND their respective mounts, declare yourself emperor of the planet immediately. This is your only chance. You did just save humanity while everyone else fled in terror.
8) If you either decide that your marksmanship is insufficient to take down at least two of the four horseman or you do not possess a fire arm, wait until they have vanished over the hills and the screaming of the innocent has faded away. Then pat yourself on the back and wait for someone else to declare themselves emperor.
9) If no one else declares themselves emperor, make yourself a cup of hot cocoa. You're pretty much screwed at that point because the four horseman will come back for you when everyone else is gone.
posted by Andrew Najberg at 9:44 AM
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